There Was Only One Catch...

I'm posting because I'm trying to avoid studying for the GRE Subject Test. This whole process of applying to graduate school is long, drawn-out, oppressive. But every day that I go to work I realize more and more that I should not be doing this yet; that I do not want to be a "Legal Assistant" (what the hell is that anyway? Why do crummy jobs always have the vaguest names?); that the only thing I have known in life is school and that is where I feel most comfortable. But how do I turn that into a "Statement of Purpose"? How do I write a "Personal Statement" about how I am running back to a womb (maybe not a fetal womb, per se, but certainly a more youthful day--a child-like state, at least)? I am not an academic man, though I try to be. I do not read as much as I should. I do not remember half the things I learned in college, and I barely remember one-eighth of the things I learned in high school. And other than trying to escape from the nine-to-five, I do not know why I want to go to graduate school. I have nothing to prove. I have no real academic goals other than getting a Doctorate in Philosophy and possibly teaching (though praying for a good publishing contract). All I know is that my friends say I have changed, I feel I have changed, and I am not happy where I am. Is that something some stiff in an admissions office in some accredited institution wants to see? I doubt it.

So what do I do? Find a new job? That certainly is an option, but there is the gamble that I will run into a worse job than the one I am currently doing (it is hard to believe, but I am sure there are worse). I also promised my mother I would further my education. And honestly, I do want to go graduate school, it is just applying for it that is so burdensome. It is also hard to leave a small office when you have worked there for a while. Things could fall apart; you are not so easily replaceable. I am Mr. Guilt. I somehow think I would feel less guilty if I had to leave work because of graduate school than to leave work for another job. Maybe they would understand better, I do not know.

Really, I know in my heart of hearts (as the sole-practitioner lawyer who shares office space with us says) that I should just buckle down, suck it up, and, as a co-worker says, "get 'er dun'!" (Another reason to leave...) But it is far easier to come home from work and do nothing than to study, or contact professors for letters of recommendation, or rifle (me) through old boxes looking for the last ten page paper I wrote to be submitted as a writing sample, or trying to get my official transcript, or sending GRE scores to schools that have not received them yet. I'm not lying, I'm lazy.

It's as Bart Simpson says, "You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't."

The Answer Is Still No.

Both this picture, and the caption above ("Sell your house and buy gold"), were taken from the Radiohead website. Who knows where they got them from.

Intuiting Verticality

On Colombus Day--a day that has long since been destroyed as a holiday because of "multicultural" issues--I finished The Intuitionist, a racial allegory (if the cover is any indication). And, like any book that deals with race, it left me confused. It does not define race, and it does not attempt to solve any issues, though it does seem to play with certain philosophical issues.

There's of course the Intuitionism versus Empiricism debate, which is the major issue of the book. These elevator inspectors (yes, the book is about elevator inspectors) are awaiting the new elevator of the future, entitled "the black box." Whether the elevator is indestructible or not, the book never tells us, but the creator of the black box, a James Fulton, is the originator of the Intutionist movement. The main character of the book, Lila Mae Watson is, in a sense, a disciple of Fulton, and she encounters a problem: Elevator Number Eleven in the Fanny Briggs Building, an elevator she inspected, goes into a total free fall. What ensues is a complicated mess that, at times, I wondered if I cared what was going on.

Now farbeit from me to criticize a writer who is actually published (while I have not yet submitted anything, nor do I have anything ready to be submitted, to a publisher), but when race is the driving factor, it makes it hard to care about it. All the characters are governed by their race--all the white people act in a certain way, and the black people act in a certain way, and nothing changes that at all. Even the Fulton is dominated by his race; I guess that makes it a racial allegory.

There are other issues as well. There's a religious issue which hinted to in the appearance of the black box, which will bring about the "second elevation" and new cities and a new life, thanks to this new version of verticality. There are political issues brought about with the impending election--who gets to be the new head of the Department of Elevator Inspectors? Will it be the Empiricist Chancre, or the Intutionist [I forget his name and I can't find it]? I did not really care, and I do not think it was a major factor in the book, but it was there. There was also corporate issues, what with United Elevator Co. and Arbo vying for dominance in this unnamed city during this unnamed time period. All these things blended together, which makes for a nice complex story. So it is not all bad.

It is just the racial aspect that pervades the story, and the complimentary racial language (i.e. "modernity," "verticality," etc.) which I cannot, for the life of me, find any meaning to that just makes this a frustrating read. Lines like: "In the last few days she has learned how to read, like a slave does, one forbidden word at a time" (p. 230) calls into question a lot of things, and provides no answers for. Lila Mae Watson already knows how to read throughout the story, what kind of "reading" did she learn the second time. A racial reading, perhaps? The reference to the slave seems to say so, but I cannot be sure, and that vagueness is frustrating.

Ultimately, the book tries to veer away from race (and I would explain, but I would be ruining the book for those who perchance want to read it), but it is so stuck in that quagmire that it cannot possibly extricate out of it. The final message seems to be: Look past the color of skin, white people! That kind of message is confusing and dissatisfying, and that's what I generally got from the book.

This isn't the review I intended for the book, but I have run out of time. I'm going to be really busy this month, so I may not post all that often. I'll post when I have a chance. Other than that, I'm glad I finished the book, and I'm sad that my holiday is nearly over. Despite what others may say, I'm glad we have Columbus Day.

New York Threatened...

Islamabad levelled.

These are crazy times.

You Listen to Coldplay

Thanks, Tony.

[He quoted the Network.]