Lies, Lies, Lies

"Omer -

Thanks for your order with CD Baby!

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure it was in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Monday, September 26th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as 'Customer of the Year'. We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you once again,

Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby
the little CD store with the best new independent music"

Even though I don't believe all that he wrote, it was still nice getting an e-mail from the president of something.

New Monkey

New Monkey

Here come the sidewalk boss again
Telling me how I can't cave in;
That I'm a study in black,
Need a pat on the back
I looked up and smile
A picture of dissatisfaction
That he can only see as a junkie.
Though I might be straight as an arrow,
He's busy shaking hands with my monkey,
Busy shaking hands with my monkey.

Well i go in the car,
Straight to the bar
Where my sweetie pours the beer
For the millions of fans ignoring the bands
He's in my ear,
Wants me to live in denial,
Says you've gotta settle for something
Though it might not be really living,
Anything is better than nothing,
Anything is better than nothing.

No actor action man gonna move in to take my place,
I'll be pumping out the product
Just a total waste.

Look at your hands unoccupied
Look at the lengths you'll go to hide
You're under the veil,
Pretending to fail.
Gotta whole lot of empty time left to go
Now you've gotta fill it with something;
I know what you can do, don't you know,
Anything is better than nothing.

No actor action man gonna move in to take my place,
I'll be pumping out the product
Just a total waste.

I'm here with my cup,
Afraid to look up,
This is how i spend my time,
Lazin' around, head hangin' down;
Stuck inside my imagination,
Busy making something from nothing.
Pictures of hope and depression,
Anything is better than nothing
Anything is better than nothing
Anything is better than nothing
Anything is better than nothing.

~Elliott Smith

Isolate, Imitate

Wake up at 6:00 ante meridian, groggy, tired. Go downstairs to relieve yourself, as you know the upstairs bathroom would soon be occupied by your brother. Find The San Diego Union Tribune, in all its Old English Font-Face glory, and decide to read the paper from Tuesday (September 20, 2005) because that's how behind in life you are. Find an article entitled "History rewarding for UCSD teacher." Become intrigued. Look at the picture of the UCSD teacher, a homely woman surrounded by blurred books. Read the caption, "Emily Thompson, an associate professor at UCSD, is working on a book about the transition from silent films to talkies." Find your interest somewhat dissolve. Read the sub-headline. "She is one of 25 to get $500,000 'genius grant.'" Have your interest pique again. Read the first two paragraphs. Stop in disgust. Here's why: "Just a couple of years ago, I was an out-of-work academic eyeing my bank account wondering when I'd have to give up and become a paralegal [italics mine] or a bartender..." Throw the paper down. Flush.

Go about your day, bitter, groggy, tired.

Realize this will go on your blog.

Return to said bathroom to relieve yourself once again, this time knowing you will read the entire article. Read the rest of the article, fully braced, and become upset... again. "Her first book, 'The Soundscape of Modernity: Architectural Acoustics and the Culture of Listening in America, 1900-1933,' was published in 2002 to critical acclaim..." Hate Emily Thompson for doing nothing and getting $500,000 ("Like most winners, Thompson has no idea how or why she was chosen or who nominated her because the process is secret"). Flush.

Emily may be odd, but she always gets [an] even [$500,000 over a five year period].

Post this on your blog.

Just Deserts

About four years ago---No, not that long ago. It was Labor Day weekend. I had the Monday off (thank God...) and headed up to visit the former roommates. We had quite the time. Part of the time was spent playing ping-pong and darts, part of the time watching things that I needed to watch (viz. Cakeboy, Violent Femmes videos, and other strange videos by some dude named Michel), and then part of the time was spent out in the desert, road hunting, cruising, whatever. These are pictures from that.

Ping-pong and guns, ping-pong and guns

Boy was this sign wrong!

This was out there

Time to ride the snake

The biggest banded gecko... ever

D(ead)O(n)R(oad)

Nature abhors a vacuum

No animals were harmed on this trip

I Got Sold Out

I took a nap at 4:30 post-meridian today (my half day) and woke up a little after 5:30 post-meridian. I woke up disoriented and looked at the time. I first thought it was 5:30 in the morning, but it was too bright outside. Utterly confused, I realized that it was the evening, and immediately thereafter I thought I had slept through work. I got so mad at myself at first, then scared I would get yelled at or something. Then I realized that I had just taken a nap on my half day; I had already gone to work.

I wonder why I got so mad, and then scared, when I had thought I had slept through work.

I think I got sole doubt.